Hi! Mr. Monte here!
To my 23,417 feline followers, especially my many cat cousins residing in Virginia and Ohio, the following is “FOR YOUR EYES ONLY.”
I’ve had to lay low since December 27th. If you recall, Ol’ Fuzz Face was a little bit on the angry side that morning when he hit the Publish button for his post SFH Christmas – 2021 BC!!. Granted, he might have had some minor reason to be furious and unwilling to listen to my side of the story about the rather unfortunate Christmas tree incident. Yet, it’s hard for me to understand why he wasn’t pleased when he found himself covered with and surrounded by all those interesting glass ornaments. To me, the array of glittering “toys” strewn about the floor looked like the entrance way to an eternal feline paradise. But, from the moment he awoke with a start and bellowed an unrepeatable word, I could tell that he and I didn’t share the same curiosity. Oh well, I guess when you get to be his age your sense of humor and playfulness tend to diminish.
As you can plainly see, Fuzzy’s promise to keep me offline “for a long, long, long, long, long time” was rather short-lived. Today, Blondie, the very essence of charity and forgiveness that she is, gave me the new password to all the electronic devices here at Serendipity Farmhouse. – Now, this is where we get to the information that you, my trusted feline followers, are not permitted to reveal. All I received from Blondie today was “plausible deniability.” As some of you know, I have been sending out emails since early December 28th. – Yep, that’s right. I cracked Fuzzy’s new password in less than five seconds. You might well ask, “How could that be?”
Well, it goes back a very long way to when I first graced the SFH estate with my presence. At that time, Ol’ Fuzz Face was incessantly watching that schlocky cult movie Napoleon Dynamite. During the same period, I had just learned that my Valentine sweetheart, Miss Fleur, lived in the neighborhood. Forgive my rather juvenile thinking, but at the time, I was impressed by Napoleon’s unforgettable line – “You know, like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills… Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills!” (See video.)
In my youthful zeal to impress Miss Fleur, I resolved that I would become a master hacker. Yes, I would become Hacker Cat (黑客猫). So, each night, while I was carefully filling in my SFH security logs, I was also taking on-line cybersecurity courses. Through diligent study and long hours of practice, I became the renowned “White-hat Hacker Cat” (白帽黑客猫). Just like the Lone Ranger, I would use my hacking skills only for good. Miss Fleur would by my muse, and I would right cyber wrongs and injustice wherever they exist.
So, my dear feline followers, that leads me to my disclosure about how I cracked Fuzzy’s password so easily. I would like to say it was through a display of hacking expertise, but that would be a dishonest statement. No, there was no challenge to figuring out the new password. Alas! Fuzzy should have listened to Napoleon and developed his own hacking skills. No, the truth, and for the honor of SFH it pains me to say this, Fuzzy’s original password (for the last 8 years) was: “password”. In his fitful rage brought on by the Christmas tree incident, the best he could come up with for a new password was: “Password”. Yep, he merely capitalized the initial letter.
Sometimes, I have to feel sad for poor Ol’ Fuzzy. As I have said before, “He’s just not the sharpest claw on the paw.”
really need. That’s true even here at Serendipity Farmhouse. Two days ago, I was making my rounds in the pantry, making sure that no mice or bugs had broken in. That is when I noticed this container of canned crud. Please note that it says 
Immediately, alarm bells went off in my head, my ears drew back, my fangs came into view, and my body bristled. 
weak and quivering voice he mumbled the single word I had long before anticipated – “Blondie.” – Then he literally ran from the pantry and sought a place to hide from both me and the spouse he had just betrayed. – He still hasn’t emerged from his exile in the woodshed.
The second day of this misadventure was just as hot and steamy as the first. Fuzzy and Blondie attempted to humor themselves and enjoy their outing as if the weather was perfectly pleasant. It was apparent that they had spent too much time in the sun and were delusional. Blondie went so far as to pose for pictures to prove that she was having a delightful time. But, it wasn’t even a half hour later at lunch when she lost all of her composure.
Let me tell you what happened and what I saw through the kitchen window. At lunchtime, Blondie proclaimed that lunch would be served in her beloved screen tent. She opined that it would be ever so pleasant to dine outside and enjoy the sounds of nature and the gentle breeze. Blondie and Fuzzy carried all the fixings for lunch to the tent. They carefully zipped up the doorway screen and sat down to eat their midday repast. Simultaneously, two things began to happen. First, both of those “nature lovers” began to sweat profusely. They smiled at each other attempting to hide their discomfort, but moisture oozing from beneath their garments betrayed them. Second, it became apparent that the screen tent, when closed, does two things: it locks flies out and it locks flies in. In the case of my two humans, they had locked in with them the single most obnoxious fly in the entire Shenandoah Valley. It landed on their food. It landed on their beverage glasses. It did pirouettes on their ears and their noses. It caused them to swat and flail about, feverishly attempting to smush the intruder. And the obnoxious little fellow would not cease.
