On Valentine’s Day 2019, I baked a most delicious cat-themed pie to surprise my two humans, Blondie and Fuzzy. To this day, they recall the joy my gesture of affection brought to their hearts. They loved my Valentine Pie and they loved me for what I did.
I must confess, the original inspiration came from Samantha Meyers and her recipe in my favorite magazine, Catster. As one might suspect, I made my own changes to the recipe. Today, I will share my revised recipe with you.
Hi! Mr. Monte Here.
To my 23,417 feline followers, especially my many cat cousins residing in Virginia and Ohio, Winter is not over yet. We know that because we have instincts and highly advanced feline intellects. Nevertheless, a warm, sunny day like today informs us that Spring will come. Days like this make the mind leap ahead and think of what Spring will bring and cause the heart to imagine the possibilities.
It’s worse than I thought!
When Ol’ Fuzz Face posted his admission of gross failure here, I thought he was merely in a state of depression. Little did I realize the he had left this blog in state of complete ruin and that Serendipity Farmhouse was speeding along on the road to the intersection of Doom and Destruction.
To my 23,417 feline followers, especially my many cat cousins residing in Virginia and Ohio, after a rather heated discussion by the Serendipity Farmhouse board of directors, it was determined that I, due to my extensive electronic media expertise, would replace Ol’ Fuzz Face as Senior Blog Editor and assume control over all content creation on the SFH Blog.
Hi! Mr. Monte here!
To my 23,417 feline followers, especially my many cat cousins residing in Virginia and Ohio, I have some words of wisdom to pass along to you. Please note that none of this will make any sense whatsoever to John the Hiker, one of my less than ardent human followers.
Now, on with my story. Whether he knows it or not, Ol’ Fuzz Face has given me carte blanche to make full use of my feline sense of honesty to air all the dirty laundry from Serendipity Farmhouse. In this particular case, the laundry is not so much dirty as it is soggy.
Perhaps a little background will help you understand. In his last post, The Wake-up Call, Fuzzy made the grave mistake of saying, “To be sure, Mr. Monte will have a word or two to put Fuzzy in his proper place and to correct all of our human failings.” – Well if that’s what Fuzzy expects, then that’s what Fuzzy and Blondie will get. As an observant and enlightened feline, it is so very easy to see how fraught with failings are my two humans. And, as we move into the season they call Advent, their failings are amplified and multiplied as they go through their frenzied Advent rituals.
If you’ve been following the weather closely on Serendipity Farmhouse – KVAFLETC4, you will know that November 26th was a beautiful day with a high of 65.7 °F. Blondie determined that it was the perfect day to clean her bathroom carpets. These carpets are especially favored by me because they keep my underside warm when I spend my time in contemplation and rest. Perhaps out of affection for me, knowing that I so love the fresh smells of clothes dried outside, she hung the carpets on the clothesline to let them dry. Then, off she trotted to do a myriad of her hurried, ritual tasks. (In Blondie’s case perhaps trotted is a poor choice of terms. Ambled might work, although sometimes it’s more like hobbled.)
The morning of the 27th was wet and dreary, very wet indeed. As I made my security rounds, I observed two very sad and soggy carpets hanging on the line. It was my duty, of course, to tell one of the so-called SFH authorities. So, I went to Fuzzy and reported my finding. In his usual cowardly way, he decided he didn’t want to be the bearer of bad news. He told me it would be better to let Blondie figure it out on her own. – – She did, and Fuzzy and I played dumb.
Three days passed, each was wet and inclement. The carpets remained on the line. Blondie wandered about the house muttering about how wet the carpets were, how dirty they were getting, and how upsetting this was to her peace. I considered needling her about this and add to her list of woes by advising her of how this must look to the neighbors. I dismissed that thought however and merely asked her, “Mom, where are my nice, warm, cozy carpets? I really miss them.” That question was more than sufficient to cause her to fret even more.
During all of this, Fuzzy laid low. He knew any comments to Blondie about the sad state of the soggy carpets would trigger an entirely unpleasant response. At this point, Fuzzy should have been a little more concerned about his own glass house. He too should have been watching the weather forecasts. At 638 AM EST on the 30th, the National Weather Service issued a Hazardous Weather Outlook bulletin reading in part: “Breezy, with a south wind 15 to 24 mph becoming west in the afternoon. Winds could gust as high as 40 mph.“
Needless to say, but I’ll say it anyway, that bulletin contained the stone that would break his little glass house. Why and how? Think back to the SFH post SFH Journal: 2020-02-24 through 03-01 – Drat!!!. In Fuzzy’s words, “… wind gusts exceeding 20 mph toppled our newly erected arbor early on the morning of February 26 [2020].” So the great engineer devised what he thought was a clever way to anchor the arbor securely. This picture clearly shows that one of his anchors failed the test and that his clever little plan was an abject failure. – – Great job, Fuzzy!!
So there it is! I am now living with a pair of humbled humans with a great many failings. To be sure, they’re lovable in their own ways and I feel very much a necessary part of the Serendipity Farmhouse family. But also be sure that living with their failings, soothing their feelings of humiliation, and keeping them on the right track is a full-time job.
So, look again at the featured picture at the beginning of this post. – – Their laundry isn’t dirty, but it is soggy. And I will continue to air it whenever the need arises.
Hi! Mr. Monte here!
To my 23,417 feline followers, especially my many cat cousins residing in Virginia and Ohio, at 3:49 AM this morning I plopped myself down precisely at the center of Ol’ Fuzz Face’s chest. After ensuring that I had elicited a suitable groan from Fuzzy, I began to purr loudly in a most endearing fashion. Because he had not yet awakened fully, I then stroked his bearded chin with my left paw. Acknowledging my loving attention, Fuzzy pulled his left hand from under the covers and patted me on the head but showed no sign that he was ready get up and feed me. Alas, at that point my patience had waned and I was forced to gently but convincingly bite his left wrist. Recognizing that there was no alternative, Fuzzy surrendered to my will and crawled out of bed.
As the old guy and I ate breakfast together, I reminded him that he and I had to draft a post highlighting the visit by the Big Admiral and her jovial, guitar-pickin’ husband. (See: Oh, Drat! More Turmoil for the Cat!) As usual, Fuzzy had been slow in editing pictures for the post. As usual, his tardiness was due to late-life mind fog and essential laziness. As usual, Blondie and I have had to kick-start him to get the job done. So, after a long delay, here is Ol’ Fuzz Face with the post you have been eagerly anticipating.
—- Ol’ Fuzz Face Tells the Tale —-
There are rumors that these two lovely sisters were originally from a cabbage patch somewhere in northeastern Georgia. After visiting the BabyLand General Hospital in Cleveland, GA, I am inclined to believe the rumors are true.
Needless to say, though I will say it anyway, the beautiful lady on the left is my most dear and lovable spouse Blondie, who is also known as ‘the Admiral’. To her right, is her equally dear and lovable sister, whom we know as ‘Aunt Pat’ or ‘the Big Admiral’. – – Let there be no mistake, both of them are impressive and formidable forces in the family, demanding great respect. When the two of them are together, every one in the family knows that they must toe the line; to do otherwise would be a grave mistake. – – Even Mr. Monte acknowledges that fact.
Early on, a third person came into the picture. That would be ‘Uncle Larry’ who 
used his innate charm, clever wit, and guitar-pickin’ skill to win the heart of Aunt Pat. Although it took Blondie a while to warm up to this erstwhile interloper, eventually she too recognized that he would be a good fit into the family. Some years later, I came along to make this a family foursome. Now, after all these years, it’s easy to see that this was all as it was meant to be.
Thus, this October reunion at Serendipity Farmhouse was a time of great joy and merriment. Old times and current family events were discussed. Fine food was shared. And there was music, lots and lots of music and foot-thumping entertainment. – – Son #1, Daughter-in-Law #1, and eight grandchildren came to SFH and spent most of a Saturday visiting with Aunt Pat & Uncle Larry. Uncle Larry’s music rocked the house. Everyone joined in the fun and sang along. Grandson #1 was even invited perform his interpretation of Tennessee Ernie Ford’s ‘Sixteen Tons.”
On Sunday, Daughter #2 entertained Aunt Pat and Uncle Larry with a fine meal and enthusiastic conversation. Son-in-Law #2 and the grandchildren talked over old times and listened intently as Uncle Larry told stories about heart-stopping visits by SWAT teams and other such unusual events. Yes, it was another day to remember.
A most unusual friendship developed over the course of the several-day visit. In a totally unexpected and uncharacteristic manner, Mr. Monte decided that Aunt Pat was to be his new found friend. He would stay as close to her as he normally would with Blondie. To the surprise and astonishment of all, Mr. Monte even made time to teach Aunt Pat how to shake his paw and give him tasty treats. – – We had all expected that Mr. Monte would retire to the bedroom for the entire visit. Instead, He decided to make this 50+ year foursome into a brand new family ‘quintet’.
So, the moral of the story certainly must be: Where there is love, there’s always room for one more in the family.
Now, Mr. Monte thinks of his dear Aunt Pat, and never more will he think ‘Oh, Drat!’.
Hi! Ol’ Fuzz Face here.
To Mr. Monte’s alleged 23,417 feline followers, especially his many cat cousins residing in Virginia and Ohio, Mr. Monte’s birthday was yesterday and, due to somewhat excessive partying on his part, my beautiful, kindhearted spouse Blondie has granted him some time off from his normal duties. It’s sort of a siesta after the big fiesta.
Mr. Monte leads a well-ordered life. We know quite well that should his routine be upset, he will be upset. We scrupulously adhere to his desire to do all things according to his schedule. Consequently, his birthday has its own unique ritual. Of course, he has the run of SFH for the entire day. The announcement board in the dining room has the greeting: Happy Birthday, Mr. Monte!!!
After his morning meal, he received a full brushing and grooming. On this particular birthday, he rolled over on his back and requested a thorough brushing of his underside. That was followed by a quick nail trimming and a light snack.
While this was all going on, Mr. Monte’s new found close friend, Miss Suki had a birthday bag delivered to the front door. The pictures below show the story of how truly he was moved by this display of affection. Good friends like Miss Suki are worth more than any words or even meows could describe.
Throughout the day, Mr. Monte made his birthday requests known to me and my dear Blondie. He was totally surprised by Blondie’s unexpected gift of three bags of Lean Treats (his favorite). He was not surprised by the bowl of ice cream he received after dinner. After all, that is the most important part of his birthday ritual.
Despite what you might be thinking now, Mr. Monte is not a spoiled cat. You must remember he is the the SFH Chief of Security. He does play an important role in the running of the soon-to-be-world-famous SFH Test Kitchen. He is the Commander of El Camino Del Monte when we are on the road. He does provide companionship and devotion to Blondie and me. And, even if he does sometimes badmouth me in his posts, we are buddies and we have each other’s back. It doesn’t matter if he’s worth his weight in gold because he is worth his weight in ice cream.
Today is my Mom’s birthday. I could write a book about her and her exploits and adventures. If it weren’t for her I would have never rode a horse, traveled throughout the country and the world, or found my Faith again. Tonight Blondie and I will be studying the facts and legends concerning one of my Mom’s favorite Scottish folklore heroes – Rob Roy. God bless you, Mom – have the best of heavenly birthdays. We love you!
SFH Gardens – By the Numbers
The following links will catch you up with what has been planted, harvested, and preserved since our last report:
SFH WX Station Report – Monthly:
Hi! Mr. Monte here!
To my 23,417 feline followers, especially my many cat cousins residing in Virginia and Ohio, do I look a little bedraggled and worn out in this photo? Is there a look of confusion and the onset of panicked terror in my eyes? – Yes, there is all of that, and I can confirm that Ol’ Fuzz Face wears the same look of dread.
Why is that you may ask? – – Well, Fuzzy and I have just returned from what should have been a well-deserved, restful RV vacation, but we had no rest, we had no relaxation. Instead, we heard pronouncements that naturally lead to great vexation. From this day forward it is now “All hands on deck! — Man your battle stations! — “The Admiral is coming back!”
If none of this makes any sense to you, please immediately refer to two posts that will make it all abundantly clear: ‘Ruffles & Flourishes’ and Ruffles & Flourishes – Admiral Departing.
I will keep you informed concerning this event, providing time allows (which I sincerely suspect it won’t). For Ol’ Fuzz Face and me, the future looks very, very grim.
Loud popping sound as the Serendipity Farmhouse 1MC intercom microphone is activated and Admiral Blondie announces:
“Sweepers, sweepers, man your brooms. Give SFH a clean sweep down fore and aft, sweep all decks, ladders, and passageways, take all trash to the appropriate waste processing stations, sweepers.”
SFH Gardens – By the Numbers
The following links will catch you up with what has been planted, harvested, and preserved since our last report:
SFH WX Station Report – Monthly:
Hi! Mr. Monte here!
To my 23,417 feline followers, especially my many cat cousins residing in Virginia and Ohio, my primary duty here at Serendipity Farmhouse (SFH) is to protect the lives and ensure the safety of all humans who reside in or visit this vast 1.203-acre SFH estate. Because the estate is located along the North Fork of the Thornton River, there is abundant wildlife and no shortage of nuisance animals. Some of those creatures are potentially dangerous and are not welcomed here. Others are relatively benign, but they are capable of disturbing the tranquility that is a hallmark of SFH.
This past week, Grandsons #2 and #4 visited SFH with the purpose of assisting Ol’ Fuzz Face move two cords of firewood from the driveway to the woodshed. A second purpose of their visit was to partake in ample portions of Granny Blondie’s home cooking. Being wise and conscientious grandsons, their very first act upon arriving at SFH was to report to yours truly the SFH Chief of Security. I presented the mandatory security briefing and they, being so impressed by my presentation, volunteered to be deputized as SFH Security Officers. One of their duties was to maintain a detailed and accurate log of events pertaining to SFH security.
Following are excerpts of text and artist’s renditions from their log with amplification and clarification based on my official records along with photos from the ultramodern and extensive SFH security surveillance system:
To: SFH Chief of Security
While we were working, we encountered some unusual and, in some cases, slightly concerning forms of wildlife. The first of these was a snake with a distinct pattern, that we believe to have been a pine snake [Pituophis melanoleucus]. At the time it was discovered however, not knowing what kind of snake it was, there was certainly cause for concern and alarm. [Grandson #4 had picked up a log to place it in the wood cart and was startled when the snake began to move. He dropped the log, and the snake slowly made its way toward the river.]
This concern was increased, when sometime later [the next morning], our grandfather was attacked by another such creature, who had positioned itself atop the doorway of the barn. [I was watching from the porch and saw the snake drop from the top of the door and pass just in front of Fuzzy’s face as it fell to the ground at his feet. Knowing that he was in sight of his grandsons, he uncharacteristically did not scream and made his best attempt to act in a manly fashion. This was utterly hilarious as seen from my vantage point because it was clear to me that he was scared beyond description. – Fuzzy, removed the snake with a shovel, warning his grandsons to be ever on the lookout for more snakes.]
Another critter was later found inside of the woodpile, a coal skink. [Plestiodon anthracinus] It was harmless and scurried up a tree when it was uncovered. [Once again, it was Grandson #4 who found the critter. He has an uncanny knack for finding nuisance critters. In just a short period of time, he surpassed the achievements of some of my permanent security officers.]
Our Grandfather also brought our attention to the skeleton of a zombie raccoon. And while this one had met its fate, there are apparently more in the area. We were fortunate to not run into the wild zombie raccoons while we were trapped in the woodshed by a sudden downpour of rain. [The zombie raccoons in question were suffering from baylisascaris, a genus of roundworms that infects many animals including raccoons. I described the symptoms to the grandsons and advised them to steer clear of these poor infected creatures for reasons of personal safety.]
The level of security inside the SFH, as well as the ECDM [El Camino Del Monte] RV was impressive however, and while the outdoors was chaotic at times, we both more than enjoyed our stay. [I and the entire SFH Security Force accept this compliment, noting that we’re just doing our job with our usual professional dedication to duty.]
Respectfully submitted on Thursday, September 8
It was obvious to me throughout their visit that Grandson’s #2 and #4 are strong young lads with a well-developed work ethic. They respect and honor their grandparents. I look forward to having them return and once more assist me the world-renowned SFH Chief of Security.
Below you will see the disappearance of a woodpile and the filling of a woodshed. The successful completion of the combined effort of grandfather and grandsons was celebrated by a most enthusiastic victory lap around the entire SFH estate.
It is certainly important to note that Granny Blondie provided logistical support to the wood-moving crew. A highlight of the workday was her preparation of a total of 50 Godzilla Tongues (jalapeno poppers) in her new SFH TK air fryer. It was a memorable feast.
Hi! Mr. Monte here!
To my 23,417 feline followers, especially my many cat cousins residing in Virginia and Ohio, the following is “FOR YOUR EYES ONLY.”
Last week, I noted the case of one of my followers who made a severe breach of Catiquette that resulted in the great indignity of a “scruffing” by its owner. (See Caturday & Catiquette.) 
A recent email from the poor humbled feline suggests that he/she deserves a bit more instruction on the proper techniques prescribed by Catiquette. (Please note that I will do my best to avoid revealing the identity of the feline in question or of its humans.)
The email informed me that the cat made a sincere attempt to communicate its desire to partake in the enjoyment of a chicken bone. The feline crawled up on the shoulder of its human and demonstrated its great interest in the chicken on the human’s plate. Unfortunately, the said feline was too abrupt in its actions, signaling to the human that the feline would lunge for the chicken in an attempt to steal it away from the human. Here, look for yourself and see how the feline’s objectives might be misinterpreted.
I think it’s clear that this approach is far too overt and could lead to an untoward outcome. So, for all 23,417 of my dear followers, please observe the master of Catiquette in action and learn from him. – – Announce your intent/desire, show your human how important it is to you, convince your human that it was really his/her idea, and, most importantly, signal that satisfying your desire will result in great purrfull attention to your human. – – This is your way a saying “Thank you!” beforehand. – – It works every time.
