Well, folks, I did it. I went all out this Mother’s Day. No flowers, no chocolates—nope, I found something truly unique for the one and only Chef Blondie. Yep, I gave her a true Mother’s Day surprise. Now, whether she thinks it’s brilliant or baffling, well, that remains to be seen.
What was the Surprise?
You see, my dear wife is a phenomenal chef, the mastermind behind countless meals and the keeper of family traditions. And since she spends quite a bit of time cracking and separating eggs, I figured it was only right to equip her with some high-tech kitchen innovation—an egg opener. Yes, you heard me right. An egg opener.
Now, before you judge me too harshly, this gadget promises to crack eggs cleanly, keep hands free from the mess, and even separate yolks. Sound useful? Maybe. Sound like something that belongs on the list of weird-but-intriguing kitchen tools? Absolutely.
So, what better way to test this thing out than by making Chef John’s famous lemon bars? With a Mother’s Day lunch on the horizon and a kitchen filled with laughter, we put this little contraption to the test. And let’s just say—there were a few moments of doubt (mostly on Chef Blondie’s part) and a few mishaps, but also some surprisingly successful results.
Will she like it?
In the end, was it worth it? Did this little gadget win Chef Blondie over? Will it end up in the “Fuzzy’s Kitchen Experiments Gone Wrong” pile? Or will it end up in a place of honor right next to her Rapid Egg Cooker?
There’s only one way to find out—watch the video and see for yourself! A belated Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there—I hope your day was filled with love, laughter, and maybe even an unexpected Mother’s Day surprise.
📽️ Watch the full video here:
🥚💛 Let me know in the comments—would YOU use an egg opener?
Join Chef Blondie and Sous Chef Fuzzy as they delve into the rich history and delightful flavors of Manhattan Clam Chowder in their charming farmhouse kitchen! Today, they not only share their mouthwatering recipe but also unravel the mystery behind the origin of this beloved dish.
Discover how Manhattan Clam Chowder evolved from Rhode Island roots in the late 1800s to its unique tomato-based version influenced by Azorean immigrants. Watch as our favorite culinary duo navigates the essential ingredients—bacon, onions, carrots, potatoes, tomatoes, and more—bringing the past to life with every simmering pot. Don’t miss the cooking fun and a hearty bowl of chowder that’s sure to warm your soul on a cold winter day!
Chef Blondie and the Serendipity Farmhouse Test Kitchen have adapted this longtime standard recipe providing three options;
Option 1 - (O1) Standard Betty Crocker recipe
Option 2 - (O2) Added ingredients to enhance flavor
Option 3 - (O3) Meatless meal suitable for Lent
Our 25-pound Maine Coon cat gave us the best RV trip we never had. He did it through a premeditated act of sabotage.
Every year in October, Miss Blondie and I take our Class C RV to Shenandoah River State Park to bask in the colors of Autumn. First we pick up our reservation pass at the Contact Station. With our pass in hand, we head directly to our RV site, hook up our utilities, and set up camp. Then we just sit back and take in all the wonders of the park in this most beautiful time of year. – And that, dear friends, was the plan for this last October 24th.
Malicious Maine Coon Sabotage
If you follow our YouTube channel, and we hope that you do, you know that Mr. Monte sabotaged our hot water system and we had to cancel our reservation. – Little did he know, that in performing his evil prank, our cat gave us … the best RV trip we never had. (To see how he performed his malicious act of sabotage, click here.)
Our Backup Plan – Let’s Have a Day Trip
Yes, Mr. Monte forced us to cancel our trip scheduled for the peak Autumn foliage. Yes, that dang cat thought he had won this round. But Miss Blondie and I resolved that we would not miss the splendors of Autumn. We would see the Shenandoah Valley at its best. – We had devised a backup plan.
A quick telephone call is all it took. Our cancelled RV trip morphed into a magnificent day of exploring and picnicking in the park. It was an unbelievably pleasant day with three of the most charming ladies I know – Miss Blondie, Daughter #1, and Granddaughter #1.
I won’t burden you with a lengthy description of all we did on our day trip. Words would only get in the way. Instead, let’s just look at some of what we saw. Perhaps someday you will be able to visit Shenandoah River State Park in October and see it all for yourself.
Maybe some of you will understand when I say: “Sourdough bread making can be fun, even when you mess up.” Yep, that’s what I did. I messed up and it ended up in my producing a not so good-looking loaf of bread. But, if it weren’t for that mess up, I wouldn’t have learned how to develop a skill I call Sourdough Troubleshooting. And, let me tell you, Sourdough Troubleshooting is just what every practical man or woman needs to learn to make a good loaf of crusty bread.
Hi! Old Fuzz Face here! – Today, I’m going to give you two examples of how I solved sourdough problems using practical “Sourdough Troubleshooting.” But first, I must let you know that it was actually Mr. Monte, our SFH Test Kitchen Quality Control Expert, who taught me how to employ these troubleshooting techniques. So, without further ado, let’s jump right into Problem #1 – Sticky Dough & A Flat Loaf.
Problem #1 – Sticky Dough & A Flat Loaf
Sticky DoughFlat Loaf
The problem with Sticky Dough and A Flat Loaf first appeared when I attempted to make a loaf that was half all-purpose flour and half home-milled hard white wheat. I followed my basic recipe to the “T”. I used 1½ cups of King Arthur All-Purpose flour.
The King Arthur website gives the weight of its all-purpose flour as 120 grams per cup. So, 1½ cups of all-purpose flour would be 180 grams. Using that statement, I milled 180 grams of hard white wheat to give me the second 1½ cups of flour to make a total of 3 cups.
That’s when Mr. Monte started voicing his disapproval in his straightforward unmerciful way. – He knew things were going wrong. In fact, he even published a highly critical YouTube short showing how wrong it was for me not to listen to him. (See: Fuzzy! You messed up again!)
In essence, he was correct. There was too much water for the amount of flour I used.
Sourdough Troubleshooting by Guesstimate
I weighed a cup of my all-purpose flour. It was 145 grams, that is 25 grams more than the expected 120 grams. That means thall all my loaves before this were roughly 436 grams, 76 grams more than the 360 grams I thought I had been using.
– Simply put, when I used only 360 grams for this loaf, I had too much water. Of course, my dough would be wet and sticky, and my loaf would spread out and be flat.
When I made my next loaf. I compensated by adding equal amounts of flour by weight. That is 218 grams of all-purpose flour and 218 grams of hard white wheat. For the remainder of the ingredients, I used the same amount in the second loaf as I did in the first.
This time, the dough was not sticky, and it rose much better. – Take a look at the two loaves side-by-side.
The problem with this method of troubleshooting is, I was merely experimenting based on guesstimates. There was no supporting math or science for my conclusions.
Problem #2 – Recipe Fails to Fit the Standard Percentage
Problem #1 naturally led me to question why all my loaves using 100% all-purpose flour came out perfectly. If I had been using roughly 436 grams of flour, instead of the 360 grams that King Arthur cup to grams conversion would indicate. To troubleshoot this problem, I had to hit the books.
Baker’s Math for Sourdough Troubleshooting
It took a while, but I discovered a whole new world (at least for me) of baking wisdom.
That new world was Baker’s Math. – This is where I learned how to troubleshoot using supporting math, science, and centuries of bakers’ observations and experiences.
Rather than bore you with details, let me get to the point. Bakers can work out formulas for baking any quantity of bread by using a common measure of weight. The amount of water, salt, and yeast or sourdough starter is a standard percentage of the weight of the flour. No matter what the weight of flour, it is always considered to be 100%.
In the case of sourdough bread the standard percentages look like this:
Of course, the percentages are approximations. With the exception of the flour which is always 100%, the weight of the remaining ingredients can be varied by several percentage points higher or lower. Nevertheless, the percentages shown will normally give you a very good loaf of sourdough bread.
Sourdough Troubleshooting Finds the Problem
After learning about the standard percentage, I then examined my basic sourdough bread recipe and realized there was a problem. – In this graph the gold bars represent the standard percentage. The orange bars represent the percentage of ingredients in my recipe. – As you can see, the water, starter, and salt percentages were all higher than the standard, especially the water.
The fact my regular loaves were turning out looking good was because of a fluke. I was unknowingly using more flour by weight than the recipe specified. That fact, unknown to me, compensated for the excess water in the recipe.
Lesson Learned & an Experiment to Prove It
So, as an experiment, I used 432 grams (that is 3 cups using my measuring cup) of King Arthur flour to make a loaf of bread. Instead of using my regular recipe, I computed and used the standard percentages for the remaining ingredients. – The results were amazing. – Look at this loaf of bread.
Now, there’s much more to this story. If you’d like to find out the rest of the story, check out our YouTube video. And, if you’ve learned a little something new and you like what you see, please subscribe to our blog and to our YouTube channel.
Until next time, keep it simple, keep it practical, and happy baking!!
It took her a long time to admit it, but now Blondie says, “We have a farmhouse in a food oasis.” No, she didn’t always hold that view. After all, from the kitchen window of the house of our dreams in Idaho, we literally could see the local Walmart from our kitchen window. In fact, we could also see Sam’s club, Albertsons, Winco Food, and Fred Meyer. We lived in a sea of nearby grocery stores. – Obtaining fresh food was no problem then.
What’s the Food Problem?
Here in Sperryville, life in the house of our realities is quite a different story. There are no nearby, conveniently located grocery stores. That’s the problem. Let’s talk about how we turned that problem upside down and came up with better ways to obtain, store, and use the food we enjoy here at Serendipity Farmhouse.
This map illustrates our problem. But it doesn’t reveal all the hidden details. For example, even though the Luray Walmart is only 19 miles away, we must negotiate Thornton Gap to get there. In the winter, it’s a treacherous drive.
And so it is with each of our four primary grocery store locations. There’s a long drive, and weather and traffic can make it a dangerous proposition. – Consequently, we can’t go food shopping like we used to in Idaho falls.
The extent of our problem became quite clear during our first winter in Serendipity Farmhouse. The winter of 2013-2014 brutally demonstrated that each of our four major grocery locations were not as accessible as we originally thought.
I tried to downplay the severity of the situation and explained to my dearest Blondie that things weren’t really as bad as she made them out to be. However, in January and February, I had to make multiple trips to Idaho and left her to fend for herself.
Upon my return, I was confronted by an always beautiful but ever so angry Miss Blondie. She had two things to say to me.
First, “Tell me again with a straight face, Fuzzy! Tell me how convenient grocery shopping is here!”
Second, “Fix it!!!!!”
What’s the Food Solution?
As with so many problems we’ve encountered in this, the house of our realties, we had to learn how to adapt to farmhouse living. In the 1920’s, how did the first residents of this house do things? Back then, there were no Walmart stores or big grocery chains. In fact, those folks probably didn’t even own a motor vehicle.
And that was the revelation. Instead of looking to Front Royal, Culpeper, Luray, or Warrenton, the first residents looked right here to Sperryville. How could we have missed the fact that we live in the midst of a wonderful agricultural area. Food of every type is bountiful. All we had to do was learn how to process, store, and use the food that’s all around.
That’s why we’re learning how to make food from scratch and plan meals using basic ingredients. The Serendipity Farmhouse blog is how we share with you what we’ve learned.
Now We Have a Farmhouse in a Food Oasis!
Over the next few weeks, we will introduce you to some of the local farms that provide a good portion of the food that makes it to our table. They provide fresh fruit and vegetables, beef, lamb, and dairy. Please join us and meet some of our neighbors.
The Most Important Food of All
Of course, we always keep in mind, “Man shall not live by bread alone …” And that is how we found that here in Rappahannock County we truly do live in a food oasis. That’s because here we also have the perfect place to be nourished by the Word of God.
He threw down the gauntlet and challenged me. So, I taught him why one should never challenge a Maine Coon cat.
Hi, Mr. Monte here!
To my 23, 417 feline followers, especially my many cat cousins residing in Virginia and Ohio, it’s really getting hard to do my job here at Serendipity Farmhouse. My human, Ol’ Fuzz Face, is a constant distraction.
Maine Coon Multitasking
If you are new to the Serendipity Farmhouse Blog, you might not know how much work has been going on here to improve your reading experience. In a recent post, I explained how I am thoroughly reorganizing the SFH Website structure.
Although I’ve made a great deal of progress on this task, I still have to perform all my other duties. For example, as Chief of Security, I must make frequent security patrols, write reports, and supervise the security staff. Likewise, I have a myriad of duties relating to the soon-to-be-world-famous SFH Test Kitchen. And it goes on and on. – – Thus, I’m a stressed out, overworked, underappreciated, multi-tasked Maine Coon cat.
Then, on top of everything else, along comes Ol’ Fuzz Face with another one of his hare-brained ideas. Let me tell you what he’s done this time.
Caring for a Maine Coon Cat
As far as humans go, Fuzzy is relatively well attuned to my feline needs and whims. He understands the nature of our relationship. I command; he serves. For example, this morning I entered the office, meowed once, and he immediately lifted me up onto the table and brushed me for fifteen minutes. – He performs this duty almost every day.
When he can muster the courage, every other week or so, he will trim my nails. He has learned that there are times when I’m not really in the mood, and he stays clear. He knows the consequences of misjudging my mood. – He keeps a ready supply of Band-Aids nearby.
Maine Coon Play – Sparring
My 23,417 feline followers and I share a common origin – the African Wildcat. We still feel the call of the wild. As predators, we are drawn to the type of play that mimics the hunt and the kill. The feature picture shows my favorite toy, a Kong Kickeroo.
Every morning, as Fuzzy eats his breakfast, I bump his leg with my head. He knows that if he doesn’t respond within 13 seconds it will be his unlucky day. So, he dutifully, leaves the table and joins me in mock combat. He’s my sparring partner.
No matter how he moves or dodges with the Kickeroo, my superior hunting skills allow me to anticipate Fuzzy’s moves and capture my prey. Should a portion of Fuzzy’s arm or hands block my attack on the Kickeroo, too bad for Fuzzy.
The Foolhardy Challenge
Recently, Fuzzy thought that he, the pupil, was smarter than his teacher. He had found a gardening glove with claws. He proposed that this glove would level the playing field if used in one of our sparring matches. So, puffed up with foolhardy pride, he threw down the gauntlet and challenged me to a dual.
“Mr. Monte, I throw down the gauntlet and challenge you to a dual!“
Challenge Accepted – No Holds Barred
Being the fearless, invincible Maine Coon cat that I am, there was no way that I would refuse this foolish challenge. So, I accepted and added that no holds would be barred. Fuzzy foolishly accepted my terms.
We met that day on the field of combat. Fuzzy taunted me with derisive terms. He made ugly faces, snarled, and even hissed so as to mock me. I ignored him and bided my time.
Fuzzy was just a sparring partner. He had never known the full extent of my skills. Nor had he ever guessed the fierce nature of the African Wildcat inside me. But on that day, he made his big mistake. He would learn the lesson of how foolish he was to take on his 24-pound Maine Coon in no holds barred combat.
Yes, it was on that day he learned his lesson – NEVER CHALLENG A MAINE COON.
Back to Normal
These days, things have returned to normal. Ol’s Fuzz Face brushes me daily and trims my nails. He comes when I beckon, and he leaves when I tell him. Fuzzy now feeds me snacks and treats me as royalty should be treated. He lives his life as a humbled sparring partner. You can be sure he will never challenge me again.
Miss Blondie has asked that I not reveal any photos of my dual with her Hubby. Many of our readers are children and the pictures would be embarrassing to Fuzzy.
Lastly, acting on the advice of his wise and most beautiful spouse, Fuzzy is taking remedial lessons on caring for his adorable Maine Coon – Moi. As his first reading assignment he is reading the article Maine Coonby Janelle Leeson on the petMD site.
To my 23,417 feline followers, especially my many cat cousins residing in Virginia and Ohio, the following is “FOR YOUR EYES ONLY.”
In an effort to broaden your horizons and expand your capabilities, I am documenting one week of virtuous service to my poor overstressed big cats, Ol’ Fuzz Face and Blondie. Please read this closely and consider how you might use some of the techniques I use to establish and increase your bonds with your big cats. – Remember, there are many treats and snacks in store for felines who master these techniques.
It all started nearly two weeks ago. Fuzzy was in obvious physical decline. He was fatigued and somewhat irritable. When asked, he told Blondie that he was okay and just a little tired. – Friends, I know Fuzzy’s voice all too well, and I know when he is being less than honest. That was when my Maine Coon Medic sense began to alarm!! – it was apparent that Fuzzy was going to attempt to “man-out” whatever was afflicting him. Knowing that things were not right with Fuzzy, I decided to open a clandestine effort to learn Fuzzy’s real health status.
Now I am the one-and-only Maine Coon Medic. I have learned how to detect various physical and behavioral symptoms in my humans. Quite often, they suffer from stress and often that stress either leads to sickness or accompanies sickness. In Fuzzy’s case, it was necessary for me to use every skill at my command. Rather than just relying on my senses alone, I realized that I needed to access accurate medical information to aid my diagnosis and development of a plan to rescue Fuzzy from his own manly pride and ignorance.
Dear Feline Followers, only you know my secret identity – “White-hat Hacker Cat” (白帽黑客猫). Recently, I have advanced my hacking techniques to a much higher level. And one of my newly acquired skills is the ability to read medical/health status data from Fuzzy’s new fitness watch. It was last Saturday when I made my way to the data. Immediately, I could see that Fuzzy was sick, fatigued, and overstressed. As soon as Fuzzy got up that morning, I stayed close to him and did my best to indicate by nudging him that it was time to head to the urgent care clinic. When Blondie awoke, Fuzzy explained that he should have someone see him. Unfortunately for all of us, the attending nurse practitioner at the clinic said that there was no sign of infection, but she would send off a sample for a culture. – That left Fuzzy with nothing to do except wait for 2-3 days for the culture. Meanwhile all his symptoms and his stress level continued to intensify.
Monday was really bad. Blondie and I urged Fuzzy to call the clinic. Fuzzy did so and proceeded to explain his problem. He was told a prescription for antibiotics would be sent to his pharmacy. Later, he and Blondie drove the 27+ miles to the pharmacy, only to be told there was no prescription. He then went to the clinic and, after over an hour of waiting, talked to the same nurse practitioner. That was not a happy encounter. Fuzzy and Blondie left the clinic without a prescription or anything to relieve Fuzzy’s symptoms. You can see below that Fuzzy’s Body Battery was low and his stress levels were high. In fact, his fitness watch stated: “Your Body Battery was nearly depleted. Get more rest after days like this and pace yourself to avoid fatigue.”
18 JUL: Low Body Battery, High Stress
Tuesday wasn’t much better than Monday and, in some ways, it was worse. Fuzzy, had to take Son-in-Law #1 to the UVA Medical Center for an operation, a trip of about 100 miles. Soon after they departed SIL#1’s home, I listened as Blondie called Fuzzy to tell him that his culture was positive for the suspected infection – where should the clinic send the prescription. Blondie relayed that Fuzzy would call them soon with the answer. – – And that’s where the situation made an abrupt turn towards idiocy.
After much pre-op time, Fuzzy watched as SIL#1 was wheeled toward the operating room. He had called the clinic earlier and told them which Charlottesville Walgreen should get the prescription. Now that he was free to leave the hospital for a short time, Fuzzy made his way to the pharmacy. With a smile on his face, he politely asked for his medication. – There was no prescription for him. Despite his request, the clinic sent the prescription directly to the pharmacy he had said should not receive it.
This is where I, the Maine Coon Medic, need to interpret the following chart. Just after 12 PM, Fuzzy’s stress levels shot up to 90%. Fortunately, the very nice pharmacist was able to come up with a work-around and by 12:36 PM, Fuzzy had his medication in hand. Unfortunately, Fuzzy’s body battery was depleted and Fuzzy’s stress level hit 100%. As you can see below, the remainder of the day was not a pleasant experience for Ol’ Fuzz Face. – There was nothing I could do from Serendipity Farmhouse, so I did my best to soothe Blondie’s poor nerves – she was at least as upset as Fuzzy was.
19 JUL: Low Body Battery, Max stress
After a long day in the hospital with poor Son-in-Law #1 who was having and equally bad day, Fuzzy did the right thing. He went to the hotel, took a shower, said his prayers, and crashed.
The next day was better for Fuzzy, I could see on my computer that his watch indicated that his body battery had recharged. The time he spent sitting with and praying for SIL#1 kept his stress levels low. Finally, at about 10:30 PM the hospital released SIL#1, and Fuzzy returned a very sore, very tired, very stressed SIL#1 to Daughter #1.
It must be said that SIL#1 has had several post-op complications and is not feeling well at all. I know we felines don’t have to pray, but we can certainly nudge our humans and urge them to pray for the poor guy and Daughter #1.
The following chart show’s Fuzzy’s Wednesday. At the end of the chart, you can see the stress induced from driving at night on dark country roads with deer hiding at every turn.
20 JUL: Slow Improvement
Now my Job as official Maine Coon Medic at SFH, is to ensure peace and tranquility for all who reside here. Seeing that Blondie and Fuzzy continued at high stress levels for the remainder of the week, I had to devise a plan to get their minds off their bad experiences. – This is how I did it. When my two big cats were discussing all their frustrations, their anger, and their concern, I walked over to Fuzzy and nudged him. He thought I wanted a snack, but I indicated that’s not what I wanted. And that’s when I pointed to the store-bought garlic on the counter. I nudged him again. – Suddenly, he loudly declared to Blondie that the new SFH garlic crop in the shed had dried enough and was ready to bring in.
Blondie nearly jumped from her chair. She said, “I want help this time, I’ve never been there when you prepared it before.” In a flash, the two were out the door and on their way to the woodshed where the garlic was. Later that day, I heard Blondie say, “I never thought that preparing garlic would be so much fun. It might be a small dirty job, but the result is a store of garlic for the rest of the season.
Blondie was happy. Fuzzy was happy. I, the world’s only Maine Coon Medic, was happy.
Garlic Harvest July 23, 2022
Please pray for Son-in-Law #1 and his entire family!
As you can see by the look on my face, I am not happy. Disturbed perhaps, deeply troubled of course, but most assuredly – NOT HAPPY!
You and I both know what happens at SFH stays at SFH. It is the policy here to keep our deeply private matters, especially those that would undermine the credibility and dignity of our corporate image, out of public view. We don’t advertise our insecurities or immature behaviors.* On May 8th, you violated that policy and have breached our common trust.
Imagine my shock and dismay when your picture popped up on my screen as I was catching up with my feline friends on Facebook. There you were. My dear, sweet Blondie in the midst of your mad and wild ravings about desiring to return to a hair color that caused my inner being to shudder. – – See for yourself!
“About sixteen years ago, I had a blonde moment. I decided to have my naturally blonde hair dyed red. And I loved it. But… The upkeep is unreal. Hubby had no problem with the color, but the cost was beyond his patience level (his inner cheap). Now, the pandemic has forced Hubby into his blonde moment – he’s growing a ponytail. – – One blonde moment deserves another. There’s a real chance this blonde is going red again. – – Help me out, Anna!!!!”
Dearest Blondie, this is where I am obliged to save you from yourself. Sit down and listen to the voice of sanity and wisdom. Breathe slowly and deeply; compose yourself and listen to what I have to say.
True, you do have your blonde moments. There’s a reason for that. You are, in fact, a blonde – natural and true. Accept that fact; embrace it. It is what you are and it helps to define who you are. Don’t let this world, filled with all of its current insanity, drive you into trying to be something else.
Look at my picture. I am a mackerel Maine Coon cat. I was the enchanting mackerel Maine Coon kitten you brought home. How would you feel if suddenly you found that I had, through a foolish, emotional act, turned myself into an orange Maine Coon. How would you react? – Of course! I wouldn’t be your adorable Mr. Monte.
We both know that Ol’ Fuzz Face is wont to go off the deep end at times. He can’t help himself. Stability and common sense aren’t his strong suits. For example, consider his actions in my post SFH Journal: 2019-12-23-29 – No! Christmas is Not Over Yet!. It was pretty clear that he was in need of professional help.
But you, dearest Blondie, not you. You can find the strength within yourself to avoid making this terrible mistake. If you don’t restrain yourself now, you might follow the same sorrowful path as Fuzzy. In which case, you might even resort to using some of my wonderfully soft hair to supplement your own. – – Please, please stop now while you still can!! Please stop so I don’t have to call you Ol’ Red!!
*Please note: My revelations about the foolhardiness of my big cat Ol’ Fuzz Face is an exception to the rule. Spotlighting his total buffoonery is most humorous to my 23, 417 feline followers.
As you may recall, due to a great windstorm that blew through the immense Serendipity Farmhouse estate on Friday, February 7th the entire infrastructure of our most fruitful vineyard was totally devastated. (See SFH Journal: 2019-02-03 through 02-09 – Calamity! for the full story.)
We hearty and proud residents of SFH gathered together in council to determine what could be, what should be, and what would be done to restore our dear vineyard to its once great glory. It was decided by my dear, sweet and most level-headed Spouse (see featured picture) that we would rebuild. Not only would we rebuild, we would make our vineyard even more grand than it was before the wind storm.
Lovely Wife would provide the planning and oversee the execution of the plan. Mr. Monte would scour the Internet for the best possible materials. As usual, I would provide the labor and respond, without hesitation, to all commands dictated by my True Love.
Within days the new arbor had been shipped to our door step. Mr. Monte had chosen wisely. I immediately set to the task of dismantling the old arbor; salvaging all usable hardware; and disposing of the debris. Dearest Wife decided that we would celebrate the demolition with a small bonfire and chocolate chip cookies. – – I saw this as a great incentive and motivator to get the work done quickly.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
Using my highly developed multitasking skills, I, almost without error or difficulty, also managed to assemble the new arbor. Now the key to understanding my last statement is to consider that almost no home assembly project is completed smoothly and without mishap. Here are some examples of what novelties this assembly task presented:
1 – Instructions: Unlike many other products, these instructions were written by Americans. For those of us who have adapted to Zhonglish (Chinese-English mistranslations), our ability to comprehend literal and coherent English has diminished. Consequently, it took some time to reacquaint myself with my own native language.
2. Adhesive: You will note that the supplied parts included “Fix-All Adhesive”. The instructions also referred to this devilish mixture as “Super Glue”. The reader will note that on several occasions I have worked with this substance. My experiences have not been good ones. Even as I type these words for you, I am trying to remove a large amount of this substance from index fingers and thumbs. – At least this time I didn’t get it on my nose.
3. The “Last” Part: There is always great joy in affixing the last part to your assembly project, stepping back, and viewing your project with great pride. I did so earlier this afternoon. I even called out my wonderful Spouse to see my work. There were no left over parts. – – I celebrated too soon! – – Please note the red circle in the picture below. – It took Dearest Wife and I nearly 25 minutes to find that part and install it properly.
So, here’s a quick review of assembly of the arbor.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
The objective of this project, completed so adeptly by the residents of SFH, was to restore and improve the infrastructure of the vast SFH vineyard. The following pictures show that we accomplished that task in fine fashion.
This slideshow requires JavaScript.
In addition to acknowledging beautiful Wife’s unparalleled planning and oversight of this project, I would like to thank Mr. Monte for his fantastic and uncanny ability to search the Internet for project materials. He’s really one smart cat!
After that thoroughly shameless display of childish goat gabbing and gibberish yesterday, Ol’ Fuzz Face decided to take a break and let me have the keyboard. Finally, dear readers, you will have the opportunity to partake in the fullness of rational, adult commentary on life and all things of importance. I offer it at no charge, knowing that you will be greatly edified.
As a stealthy and cunning predator, I have disciplined myself to be a careful observer of all things in nature. That’s because so many of those things are edible or at least fun to play with before introducing them to the afterlife.
For example, I watched Fuzz Face closely as he was attempting to get a bag of cat litter to bring into the house. I calculated all of his possible moves and determined that he couldn’t get to the bag without coming into striking range of my deadly claws. – He attempted to get by; he weaved to-and-fro, and then fro-and-to, but he could not pass. I had the best of him and was ready to advance towards the kill. That’s when he spoiled the game and simultaneously revealed his great cowardice. – That’s when he called for Blondie to come and help. That’s when the words “spineless” and “wimp” entered my mind. – Oh well, there will be a next time and I shall prevail.
Now, back to the post. As I said earlier, I am careful observer of all things in nature. If it weren’t for me, Fuzz Face would have never known that a pileated woodpecker was in clear view just outside his window. Even with my early notification, Fuzzy was only able to take a substandard, mediocre photo of that beautiful feathered creature. Despite it’s imperfection, I have made it the featured picture for this post.
Yesterday, before Fuzz Face went out for that silly rendezvous with his funny looking, floppy-eared friends, I advised him that daffodils and resurrection lilies are now making apparent their longing for Spring. In his own, dull sort of manner, he made his way to the river’s edge and snapped a few poorly staged pictures. Nevertheless, I guess they make the point. Some day, Fuzzy will learn to take my artistic advice, but I’m not very confident that will take place during any of my nine lives.
Finally, he came back to the house, camera in hand, with a stupid smile on his face. Once more he had taken substandard photos about which he could not refrain from bragging. “Look, Look!” he said, “Garlic! The garlic is growing and there’s more of it now!”
What a sad and demented creature is Ol’ Fuzz Face, if goats and garlic are the high points in his life. If it weren’t for the fact that he knows my grooming preferences and plays a fairly good game of “Hunt and Kill”, I would have asked Blondie to pack up his things and take him to Reality Farm, where he could play with goats and eat garlic to his heart’s content.
Blondie!! – – We need to talk!!
“About sixteen years ago, I had a blonde moment. I decided to have my naturally blonde hair dyed red. And I loved it. But… The upkeep is unreal. Hubby had no problem with the color, but the cost was beyond his patience level (his inner cheap). Now, the pandemic has forced Hubby into his blonde moment – he’s growing a ponytail. – – One blonde moment deserves another. There’s a real chance this blonde is going red again. – – Help me out, Anna!!!!”
Look at my picture. I am a mackerel Maine Coon cat. I was the enchanting mackerel Maine Coon kitten you brought home. How would you feel if suddenly you found that I had, through a foolish, emotional act, turned myself into an orange Maine Coon. How would you react? – Of course! I wouldn’t be your adorable Mr. Monte.
