How to make Valentine Pie, by Mr. Monte

Old Fuzz Face and Blondie were totally obnoxious today. Their behavior was quite unspeakable. They started out with numerous public displays of affection (PDA). They were constantly looking into each others eyes and making unbelievably and sickeningly sweet remarks about each other. I’ve noted this behavior is regularly recurring, usually during the middle of February. And that is why I had to learn how to make Valentine pie.

They exchanged expensive greeting cards, purchased with money that they could have spent on me. Fuzzy and Blondie placed chocolate candy near where their cards were displayed, and they didn’t offer a single piece to me. They were so kind and attentive to each other that I felt like producing a hair ball on the kitchen floor just to bring them back to their senses.

Fortunately for me, they finally decided to depart on a grocery shopping trip. Finally, I could do my catly thing without the annoyance of their PDA’s. Once they were out of the house, in the car, and down the lane, I pulled out the January/February edition of Catster Magazine.

I recommend that all you cats out there who follow my posts read this magazine. Oh, not because the stories are good literature; they are, for the most part, demeaning to us regal felines. No, instead, read the articles to learn the psychology of humans and plan your strategies to outwit them.

While, browsing through the mag, my curiosity was stimulated by a recipe for a “Cute Cat-Themed Pie” by Samantha Meyers. Not only did the recipe stimulate my curiosity, it also stirred my imagination. This was the perfect ammunition to catch Fuzz Face and Blondie completely off guard! Thus, without a moment’s hesitation, I gathered all the required ingredients in the soon to be famous Serendipity Farmhouse Test Kitchen – I was going to test-bake this pie. I was going to teach them how to make Valentine pie.

Now, you of little faith and understanding may be questioning just how a Maine Coon cat could bake a pie. Well there are two interrelated answers: First, I pretty much followed the recipe (Recipe DIY: Cute, Cat-Themed Pie); second, the SFH Test Kitchen has certain proprietary secrets that cannot be divulged to the public. Just know I did it all by myself and had it waiting for Fuzz Face and Blondie when they made their return.

how to make valentine pie
Voila! I now know how to make Valentine pie!

When my big cats arrived and entered the dining room, I showed them my masterpiece. For several moments they were speechless. When they realized what I had done for them on their special day, they were nearly moved to tears. Immediately, they began to shower me with praise and sweet PDA’s.

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Chef Monte savors the aroma of his creation

There was, however, a very tense moment when Blondie mistakenly thought I was going to take a bite out of my freshly baked creation. If you examine the photo closely, you will note that my tongue does not touch the pie. It was a close call by the officials, but the instant replay proved that this was merely the innocent act of a master chef savoring the aroma of his creation.

So, with that, dear followers, I trust that you enjoyed the day of mid-February madness you call Valentine’s day. Hopefully, you received roses, chocolates, and many PDA’s. As for me, I learned how to make Valentine pie.

2 thoughts on “How to make Valentine Pie, by Mr. Monte”

  1. Very funny, Mr. Monte. I know you had help, probably you invited the neighbor cat in to lend a hand.
    Anyway, good job on the crust

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