Caturday & Catiquette

Hi! Mr. Monte here!

To my 23,417 feline followers, especially my many cat cousins residing in Virginia and Ohio, the following is “FOR YOUR EYES ONLY.”

Once again, in an effort to broaden your horizons and expand your capabilities, I will endeavor to discharge the duties conferred upon me by “noblesse oblige“. This week, I will discuss two items that are intimately related to your standing and privilege in your respective households.

As you well know, Blondie and Ol’ Fuzz Face are so strongly influenced by my regal nature that they would be willing to do almost anything to ensure my comfort and well-being. I did not attain this level of respect by feline mystique alone. No! I had to work to earn their respect and trust. I had to contribute to the culture that makes Serendipity Farmhouse so unique among households. Yes! It is an everyday effort, but it is worth the work invested to make it so. Ultimately, you will find that the effort pays off in substantial benefits and perquisites. I offer to you the example of Caturday to illustrate the truth in my statements.

Caturday

We felines seldom discuss certain rituals and habits that are very much a part of our daily lives. To be blunt, we don’t discuss our cat pans and the litter therein. Here at SFH, however, I have trained Blondie and Fuzzy in how to ensure they have a happy cat when it comes to this particular topic. They have learned that my pan has to be cleaned multiple times daily and topped off with fresh litter every two days or so. They’ve also learned that should not go more than two weeks without emptying my pan, cleaning it thoroughly, and filling it with fresh litter. I have taught them that doing these things for me will bring great rewards. Or more correctly, if they don’t perform these tasks, I might go elsewhere, if you know what I mean. – – The ritual of cleaning the pan usually falls on Saturday, and this day at SFH is affectionately known as ‘Caturday’.

Now, Blondie is a quick learner and very perceptive. She has learned that it is not enough to just clean my pan regularly. She now understands that I should receive a brand-new pan at 18-month intervals. Fuzzy tends to complain about the expense, but Blondie has trained him to keep his mouth shut and do what’s required.

It just so happens that yesterday was Caturday and it was also the day to unbox a new cat pan. Humans will never understand nor appreciate the joys that a cultured feline such as yours truly feels on the day when a new cat pan with fresh litter comes into his life. – – I would show you a picture of how quickly I made use of my new pan, but please understand that I must adhere strictly to the longstanding code of Catiquette that we felines must obey.

Catiquette

And that brings me to a brief discussion of how a breach of Catiquette can cause problems for an unsuspecting feline. It seems that a cat cousin of mine unwittingly made a terrible mistake the other day. In his efforts to ensure that his humans would be spared the problems caused by unwanted rodent pests, he proceeded directly to a garbage can where a chicken bone had been deposited. It was clear to him that the bone was an open invitation to pests, and he took it upon himself to remove the temptation. Unfortunately for my cat cousin, he failed to announce his intentions to his humans beforehand. Not surprisingly, they thought that the cousin merely wanted to satisfy his appetite by chewing on the bone. This breakdown in feline-to-human communications ended up causing a rather unhappy reaction by the humans. The poor cousin cat, all because of his breach of Catiquette, found himself being gently scruffed. No physical harm to the cousin, but a great deal of feline dignity was injured.

The lesson to be learned here is to announce your intentions first. If your humans don’t understand, refrain from doing anything that might be misinterpreted. Got it?

On the other hand, if your real intention is to chew on the bone, do yourself a favor and wait until your humans go to bed.